Rosie the Riveter

You just never know what'll turn up in the mailbox. At exactly the right moment.

Even Miss Partini needs encouragement from time to time. Or is that time and again?

Thanks, Cal.

Cut'n'Paste

Why clean the house when you can make a collage?

Yes, it creates more mess. That is not the point.

Items in this collages include:

Edna Mode
Cupcakes
Italy, as represented by Vino and Olio
Les Vacances de M. Hulot
Presents
Eat Like a Pig
Chicago's Cloud Gate by Anish Kapoor
Chips
Swimming Pool
Beyoncé as Alice in Wonderland
Eiffel Tower

and ...

just ONE drink.

What I Learned About Rubber Boots

"Write a story that revolves around an extreme weather incident," said the instructor.

Partini thought long and hard. Her strategy was to block all bad memories.

"You will fail if you do not write an extreme weather story," said the instructor.

Partini's memory came back.

She remembered, in horror, the worst weather day ever when she got a soaker up to her hips and was so wet, she looked dry. "I'm not wet," she remembered lying.

Not long after the worst weather day ever, Partini bought rubber boots.

Did you know that if you do not wear long socks with rubber boots, much chafing will occur? Your feet will be toasty dry, but your calves will sport raw, red rings that hurt, then scar.

Favorite Bag

All I can say is that this bag came in handy once at a conference where someone else took my seat after we'd had a week of marking our territory.

When Girlfriends Care

When Miss Partini went back to school full-time, good friend Dr. Slash was there to help out.
Cause and effect, or supply and demand?

More importantly, was this one-shot deal or subscription?

All Gone

Lavender chocolate.
That's all Miss Partini really needs to say, don't you think?

Miss Partini Meet Miss Baldwin

Scene: Baldwin Barmacie, end of Summer '07, rue Laurier, Montréal

Miss Partini peruses the list of of refreshments on offer. How about a Miss Baldwin?

Wait - it is under tonifiants.

"Tonifiant? Perhaps it is too healthy, too earnest?"

Why, not in the least! Miss Baldwin is as effervescent as new BFF Miss Partini. Here's to your health!

Scene: under the Christmas tree, mid-winter 2007

A present from Miss Baldwin? How could it be? Never mind that - WHAT could it be?

A set of floral syrups, of course. Cocktail, anyone?

Oops, Distracted Again

Came up to post.
Got involved in long boisterous phone call.
Finished companionable glass of Chianti.
Went to bed.
Remembered computer was still on.
Sat down to post.

Same thing thing happened last night, but held breath so much whilst writing horror story that lack of oxygen disturbed equilibrium.

Never mind!

The Walls Have Ears

And the tuques have braids. That's all Partini needs, one more thing to get caught in her zipper. What if the woolly braids pushed the real braids into the path of the zipper instead?

Wait, is that a third braid? A tail perhaps?

No, those are wires. The tuque has been be-speakered. No, Partini did not purchase this item for herself. Nor did she even vaguely intimate that it could be useful to her.

However, the turq tuque is amusing. As amusing as the new-most-obnoxious-sunglasses, which cannot actually be worn with turq tuque because they are too BIG. And anyway, no one would wear a tuque in Miami.

Most Days Look Like This

Frankly, the excitement of life is such that Miss Partini often feels that her head has blown right off. Some might use other terms, like stress, pressure, madness and such-like, but Partini prefers effervescence.

And she happened to find this lovely picture during the Great Clean of recent days.

She'll simply imbibe those champagne cocktails through her neck.

Who Needs This Many Pairs of Scissors?

I do. That's who.

Plus, I found another yellow pair after I took the pic. Plus, there is a red one for culinary use only. Plus a black one for general kitchen use. Plus a special pair in my sewing box, plus a nice pair on my desk.

However, none of them are actually in sight when I need a pair. No, of course, they don't all live together in that jar. They live their own independent lives and do whatever the hell they want, or so I'm led to believe. BY THOSE WHO STEAL AND HIDE THEM.

You can never have too many pairs of scissors.

Told You I Had Stuff

While we are on the topic of Christmas gifts, here are a couple of Partini faves.

If you look closely, you may notice they are the same. Miss X'mas 2006 on the right, Miss X'mas 2007 on the left. Yup, two battery-operated nail files. Which IS actually exciting because Partini likes to take frequent breaks at the computer and do a quick little something useful/useless from time to time. (Gently cleaning between keyboard keys with a tiny paintbrush is useless/useless.)

HOWEVER, Miss X'mas 2006 was the fancier kit, with a CD of relax-o tunes, a candles, gloves, creams and a little bitty tiny man in a suit to do it all for you. Miss X'mas 2007 was the plainer Janer implement, albeit in a satin case.

Thing is, sotto voce, the same person gave her BOTH!

That Explains the Aprons

You can just imagine the surprise on the face of Partini when she opened this one.

No, it is not a filled cake. It is the apparatus required in order to create one. Instantly, Partini knew she had always needed one and where had it been all her life? Not to worry, problem solved, she had one now.

After all, there are only so many Partini-hours she can put into the creation of her famous 10-layer Jello cake. This filled jobbie should only take about 6.

What's Bigger Than a Breadbox?

Of course, in addition to all the old stuff, there's all the new stuff. Christmas haul.

Partini put on her new most-obnoxious-sunglasses today.

Picture the scene Christmas morn:

The Miss unwraps tissue from something similar to a lunch box. It is sunglass case, larger than a clutch purse. Uh-oh, thinks Partini, I have a feeling that what's inside ain't subtle.

Now, Partini knows that she is not subtle, although sometimes she fools herself into believing she is.

She opens up the case. Oh! I can look just like Karim Rashid. Maybe I AM the new Karim Rashid. Wow! These are so not me!

"Whatever were you thinking?" recipient asks giver, ever so sweetly.
"I thought they'd be good for Miami."
"Hmm, where I live - right here - is so not Miami."


She loves them. In some sick and twisted way.

Why There is No Room at House of Partini

How long did Partini think she was going to hang on to this empty cupcake box? And why?

Yeah, yeah, cute box, big deal.
Sure, sure, most beautiful cupcakes she'd ever seen in her life.
But all et up over 6 months ago. And none of them by her.

Why prolong the pain?

Partini, throw out the box.

Say It Isn't So

How can this be?

Look what Partini found while doing the household purge. Not one strip, but three. Why?

She asks herself:

Am I on my way to an event? Unusually well-prepared?
Have I just hosted an event where a cash bar was in place? Also unusual.
Did I overestimate personal consumption? By 23 tickets?
Did I pay for these?
Can these be used somewhere? Anywhere?

Where were almost two dozen unused drink tickets found? Not in a coat pocket or a handbag or in a pile of dirty laundry. In the art room. Ostensibly Partini was going to do a craft with them.

12 = 7

Twelve hours of cleaning equals seven bags of garbage. In only two rooms.

Did not leave house.
Did not make cocktails.
Did not use hair product.
Did not refresh lip colour.

Guided only by common sense, a case of claustrophobia that has developed as the clutter creeps closer and her horoscope, Miss Partini goes hell for leather in an attempt to make her house larger while relinquishing all holds to the past.

Too messy to wear any of her new vintage aprons though. Who is she kidding? - Too damn dirty. Speaking of aprons, Miss P. received an incredible collection from her pal, Maid of Orleans - all hand stitched by the late ma tante Gertrude! Above pictured is the current fave, and - would you believe? - had never been worn! Already been around the Partini hips and waist twice though.

This brings the Partini Apron Count to about one dozen.

Purple Hair & Red Lips (Forever)

As Miss Partini reached out in the dark to turn on the light, her hand grazed something furry, possibly alive. She screamed.

Alas, someone had moved her stuff. Her hand had landed in a tangle of troll hair.

Weirder yet was the magazine advice that using RED SHARPIE as lip liner is a good idea.

"Try nontoxic red Sharpie for a lasting lip stain. Dot along lips and blend with a natural balm."

Update on silver sequined dress: Sent photo of self in said dress as New Year's greeting. response from cousin who had been involved in shopping expedition: "Nice TOP."

Sheesh.

Distress Comes in Many Forms

Miss Partini hereby solemnly does swear never to buy previously distressed jeans ever again. Not in 2008, 2009, 2010 and so on. Previous distress can only lead to more. Especially when when it is minus 25 degrees outside and let's not even go near the topic of all the wasted Partini-hours that go into the repair and reinforcement of the artfully placed areas of distress.

I'll give you distress.

Actually Partini plans to apply the classic "for every item in, one item goes out" rule to any 2008 shopping. Which will be mostly socks and underwear because Miss Partini is simply Not Going To Shop this year. Except on holiday.

Anyway, Partini doesn't have to shop. She got loads of interesting Christmas presents that she will take a while to wear out.

Example? Well, those swell hostess slips in the photo. They are beautiful, elegant, great colour, fantastic mix of pomegranate raw silk and black lace.

Problem? If Partini wears them going down the stairs she will die.

Miss Partini is a distress magnet. She does not need to buy any.

Wii are Miss Partinii

Yesterday it was the ankles. Today both legs are broken. How could this have happened? It was only a spot of kitchen floor dancing, and in my stockinged feet, no less!

Perhaps it is the weight of my pre-resolution stomach weighing down on my limbs, crushing important, yet tiny bones that hold all the bigger ones together?

My right arm is also broken. Don't let anyone tell you that an 18-year-old 13-inch television is not Wii-compatible.

Why Do Miss Partini's Ankles Hurt?

What jigging?!?

Miss Partini is no longer as keen on the concept of a new year, now that she's wasted the first day.

Will this be the year she finally reads Proust?

Why does she ask the same questions every year?

No, 2401 pages is too much temps perdu. Bad enough her ankles hurt, she doesn't need to break her wrists as well.

2008 is already too exhausting. Turn back the clock.